I saw my Trainer eat a cookie today!

That's right ladies and gentlemen, he is human! And not unlike the rest of us, he can not deny the temptation of homemade Christmas cookies. One of the guys that works out on MWF was working out with me this morning, things are mixed up because of the holidays and time off, etc. So after our workout, which included a scolding for me because I mentioned cravings for Taco Bell, this guy brought in a few Tupperware containers of different kinds of cookies he made. There were the standards, decorated sugar cookies, peanut butter, & snicker doodles. But he had also made something with berries and nuts in it, and ricotta cookies which were covered in coconut. So it was pretty easy to steer away from the standard cookies, but I was so tempted by these new creations that I had never seen before. And not unlike a scientist who just discovered a new spices, I needed to know more, I needed to taste. But I didn't want to munch a few cookies, especially standing in front of my trainer and a couple other guys. And I totally expected a scolding like "You're just taking this hour of hard work you just finished, and flushing it down the toilet!" He really says stuff like that, I'm not even going to tell you what he said about Taco Bell! So, one of the other guys picked up one of the berry & nut cookies, and it looked soft and cakey, so I asked him to share a piece with me, and he took a big bite and handed me the other half. So I said "Gross!" And I broke off a small piece that was not touching his bite mark, and handed his bitten part back. But the small part I took was really good. Next I was eyeing to little coconutty mounds of heaven. And I said "Anyone want to share one?" And my Trainer took me up on the offer!! So he picked it up and broke it and I had half, and he ate half!! He really did! I seriously believed this guy lived off of oatmeal with berries, white meat chicken, water, and protein drinks! And Vitamins! But he ate a 1/2 cookie and then he ate a whole snicker doodle! And then he proceeded to tell me that he expects big numbers out of me in '09 and there is nothing holding me back but me! And he's right, and I'm trying.

Last night I had to stop and do a little Christmas shopping on my way home from work, and a little grocery shopping, and it would have been so easy to stop into fast food on the way home. But I went home and cooked chicken breast, broccoli and rice. I just need to do that more often.

I'm taking Christmas-time off!

(I almost put "I'm taking the Holidays off", but after my last rant I didn't want to be a hypocrite.)

Anyway, I'm not going to worry about dieting the next two weeks or so. I've been trying to do better than what I would have done last year, and that in it's self is a gigantic step. This past weekend we had alot of visiting to do, and one house had a nice spread of various tasty looking appetizers, pizza, chips & dip, lots of baked goods, and there was even talk of some ice-cream drink thing! I would have liked to get a plate and have two of everything. What I did was have one little chimichanga appetizer thing, and couple chips with salsa and guacamole (that's tomatoes and avocados, very healthy), and a small plate of fruit. Not too bad if I do say so, however I was forced, actually forced, I was fighting back and everything, to take some baked goods home.

From there we went straight to a 2-year-old b-day party where I had a couple little sub sandwiches. You know the kind that come on the party trays, where it was a big sub, but its now cut into small maybe 2" pieces. And then I skipped cake entirely. And after we got home for the night me and the hubby split one of the baked goods talked of earlier.

Then Sunday it was cereal for breakfast and out to do errands with the family. We stopped by a diner for lunch where I had a wrap sandwich and a bowl of cabbage soup. Not the beat, but you must understand, they had the breakfast bar laid out, and I would have loved to get plate after plate of waffles, and biscuits & gravy, and sausage and eggs, and all the sweets, mini muffins and danish, etc. But I had none.

And I am very busy from now 'till Christmas, and if I don't have time to cook, and we happen to have some Taco Bell, I will not feel bad for it. Because it is Christmas, and no one should feel bad at Christmas!

He sees you when you're sleeping....

No, I'm not talking about Santa. And I'm not talking about God either. This is my workout/weight loss blog, so of course I'm talking about my trainer. Last week and this week I have been getting into the gym later and later. And I have all kinds of good excuses, traffic was bad, it took a long time to clean snow off my truck, blah blah blah! But my trainer sees right through it, he knows what it is, and if he knows, then I have to admit it to myself as well. I have been sleeping. It's snowy outside, my bed is warm and snugly. Why would I want to take my feet out from under the covers, where they are pressed against my hubby's warmth, and put them onto to cold hard wood floor!?!
Because I need to, that's why. We have been getting Christmas gifts at the office, we got a cheese set from one of out vendors this week. And I cut up the sausage and flayed out the crackers, and the guys I work with said they can tell I'm a Mom. And when it was all gone I cleaned up the crumbs and washed the knife and cutting board. And of course I ate some with everyone else. And I'm baking cookies with my daughter tonight. And I have my ladies Christmas pot luck tomorrow for lunch. So the only way I can pull through and not gain weight, is to work out like crazy when I have the opportunities.
It's almost seems like Christmas is centered around food. Family feasts, work pot lucks. I thought the wise men brought Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh. Not turkey, cookies, and a cheese set! And while I'm off on a rant, It's Merry Christmas, not Happy Holidays! I say Merry Christmas to everyone I enteract with this time of year, store clerks, friends, neighbors, strangers who hold a door. And if they say Happy Holidays first, I say Merry Christmas a little louder. Those are the people who need to hear it. Because it is Christmas, and I am a Christian, and this is one of our most scared holidays, when our savior was born on earth. I have the radio on while I'm working today, and i have been singing along with Frosty, and Jingle Bells, and I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas, but I sing Silent Night, and God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen a little louder. Sorry, just needed to say that.
So Merry Christmas, enjoy the blessings around you!

10 minutes is better than nothing.

Since I've been 'back' from being sick, I haven't missed a work out. But i really cut it short this morning. I left my house and should have been here in plenty of time to get in a good cardio. But then I hit traffic. This will be really local, so if you don't know what I'm talking about, sorry. I take I96 almost the whole way to work. But I get on at Beech Daly, then merge with I275, then split back off past I696 and continue along I96 East. So this morning I'm going down the e-way around Merriman, and I hear on the radio that there is an accident on 275 at 8 mile and it is backed up to 7 mile. A one mile back-up, no big deal. So I merge onto 275, and it is super slow, and then almost to a stop. Then I hear the traffic report again and they say it is now backed up to Ford Road! Well if I had known that I would have worked alittle harder to avoid it, because now it more like a 5-6 mile back-up. So.....I was later than I planned to be. I got here about 20 minutes before I need to start work, and it is about the time I usually start getting cleaned-up and changed. So I was going to skip it all together, but I thought, I'm already in my work-out clothes, and 10 minutes is better than nothing. So I'm proud of myself for making the effort, when I could of easily skipped it all together. And tomorrow I'm going to set my alarm a little sooner, after all, it is Michigan in the winter!

I didn't workout for a week, and alot changed.

Well, I'm getting better. I'm not better yet, but I'm getting there. I kept praying, "Please God, why am I still so sick, please help make me well." And God, in his infinite wisdom, made me worse, so that I would get off my whining butt and actually go to the doctor. So my throat closed up and I could barely breath, and I went to the urgent care clinic, and the doctor said he didn't even need to do a throat culture on me, because I had one of the worst cases of strep. So I am now on antibiotics, and I'm getting better.
And since I hadn't worked out since before Thanksgiving, I decided to give it a whirl this morning! Well I now have a new workout buddy. It's a Lady that I know from our purchasing department. She has been working out upstairs for about 2 years, but with one of the other trainers. Her normal trainer has not been showing up lately, like for the last couple months, and she saw me with my trainer all to myself. So she will now be joining me on my Tuesday / Thursday morning workouts. I don't mind sharing my trainer, I used to before. And now that I'm working out with another girl, instead of a guy like before, we can do things together. And also, in the 2 years that she has been using the facility, she has lost about 90 lbs. So that will be a great inspiration, and also some competition, for me. We had a good workout. My, now our, trainer was mostly focused on her because he has to learn what she can do, and show her how he does things. Like we were stretching between sets, and she was pulling her leg with the opposite arm, so he explained to her why you shouldn't do that and how it's bad for your knees, etc. And later we were doing tricep push downs, and he had to stop and show her the correct form. I guess her old trainer never took the time to explain these things. I'm thankful that when I first signed on I picked a trainer that does take the extra time to go over things and explain why you should do things a certain way. Not just because he said so, but because it will only help you in the long run. So he was spending alot of extra time with her. And he said he didn't want to push me too much since I'm still getting over being so sick. But then he came up and whispered in my ear, "Take it easy now, but I'm coming for you next week!" So it's on now!
And also, I lost weight while I was sick. Mostly I'm sure it was from being dehydrated, and not eating for days. But i also was losing weight before I got sick, and just never got weighed to account for it. So now I have been eating again, normally, for about 3 days. I was down below 230 while I was sick. But I got weighed today, and I'm at 235. I'm very happy with that! That's a total weight loss now of 21 pounds!!
Now I just need to stay strong going into the Christmas season. We already got chocolates from one vendor today at work, and doughnuts from another. So i need to keep the will power strong, stick to the workouts, and give my self the gift of a healthier, happier me!

I'm Sick!

Yep, sick! Strep throat if I had to guess, but I didn't go to the doctor or anything. I busily did all of the Thanksgiving things. Cooked, Baked, went to my mothers. I ate whatever I wanted, which included dessert and wine, because it was Thanksgiving, and I was with my family, and I was celebrating, and being very very Thankful!!
Then Saturday night my son woke up completly hysterical! He was throwing up, and i'm sure he had no idea what was going on, being only 14 months old and all. So we got him calmed down and cleaned up. And I went to bed. Sunday I skipped church, and now seeing how sick I am, everyone should be thankful I did not bring these germs near you. I did go grocery shopping, we were out of the necessaities. And that wipped me out. 45 minutes of grocery shopping = 4 hour nap! Then I got up Monday to leave early to work out - but I didn't even make it out of my bedroom. I turned off the alarm, stood up, layed back down and re-set the alarm for another hour of sleep. Then I did get up, go to work, tried to drink some tea but my tthroat hurt so bad I couldn't swallow it. I didn't eat any breakfast, everyone that saw me asked if I was ok. Then at lunch time I started getting chills, so I went home. I said a quick Hi to the babysitter, and went straight to bed, where I stayed for 5 hours until my hubby got home from work. (I'm so lucky the babysitter stayed) Then he made me a nice dinner, and I ate about 4 bites of it. I just can't swallow. When I was sleeping I would wake up about every 20 min in a puddel of drool, it couldn't go down so it was just going out. Not nice I know, but it's true.
Then Tuesday I skipped work all together and stayed in bed all day. Around lunch I decided that I was completely dehydrated seeing that I hadn't really eaten or drank anything since lunch on Sunday. I choked down a little cup of jello, and tried to eat some sherbert. And I was just holed-up in my room, and I would hear my son in the living room being cranky, and I would just pray that he feel better, because he is so small and he doesn't know whats wrong, and I would take all his sickness and pain so he wouldn't have to endure it. Normally he will be walking across the floor and he will stumble, because he doesn't have that whole walking thing down 100% yet, and he will just get back up and keep going. But the last few days he will be walking across the floor, and he will stumble, and he will just lay down and start crying like it is the end of the world!
So I tried to eat some dinner last night, I got down about 10 bites this time, so i figure my home remeddies must be working. I put a big pot of water on the stove and just boiled it all day, and i would put my face over it and breath the steam. I also gargled a ton of warm salt water, and took a couple steamy showers. So today i'm at work. I'm sitting at my desk, not being all that productive, and everyone is scared to come near me in case i'm still contagious. I had about 1/2 my tomato soup for lunch, which is the most i've eaten in about 4 days.
I've lost about 8 pounds, but not in any kind of way you would want to, and i'm sure it will come right back as soon as I can swallow again.

Still going strong

I went to a birthday party last night. It was for a 3 year old, so there was pizza, cookies, chips and dip, cake and ice cream. Between lunch and the time I arrived at the party I had....gone shopping at Target, had a doctors appointment for myself, then drove to our peditrian to set up an appointment for my son, went home and got the kids clothes changed, hair fixed, diaper bag packed, everyone piled into the car. (I was 1/2 way there before I realized that I was still wearing my work clothes and heels, I had totally planned to change into jeans and flats, but apperently in the rush I forgot about myself!) It was about 6 hours since lunch and I was starving. So I steered clear of the cookies, but had about 3 tortilla chips to keep my stomach from growling audibly. Then I made a plate for my daughter and got her a drink. Then I got the smallest slice of pizza in the box (it was the Hot & Ready kind of pizza, so it was kind of small) and tried to coax my son into eating a few bites. He was not too interested, so I finally just ate the slice myself. I did get him to eat a breadstick and some cookie, and then we was more than willing to share in sister's cake! I however had no cake! None! and it looked really tasty too. My friend said, "ill just cut you the smallest sliver?" And I said "How about no sliver!" And I was proud of myself, I was so proud I almost forgot that I DID eat the pizza!. Small victories, I guess...

First steps along the new path....

Ok, so far so good. I went shopping on Friday and got the regular stuff for breakfast, lunch, & dinner. And plenty of fresh fruits for snacks, but also and some healthier versions of not-healthy snacks. So now if I am dying for dessert, I can have a sager free jello cup with whipped cream, and the whole thing is only 30 calories. (Yes, only thirty, I did not forget a zero.) And I have always had healthy things in the house for dinner, it just seems like the last few weeks I have been busy or tired when I got home, so I skipped the home-made dinner and instead opted for take-out.
On Friday, since I was home from work, I had already promised my daughter that I would pick her up from school and we would go to McDonald's play land for lunch. And if this was a week or two ago I would have had no issue ordering a burger and fries. And it was really hard to not order it once I was there and smelling it, but I got a salad w/ grilled chicken, water to drink, and a fruit & walnut salad for us all to share. (The kids shared a happy meal with nuggets & fries & milk.) And I cooked meatloaf for dinner. It was made from Kudu meat (my boss is a huge hunter and goes on all kinds of game hunts in Africa and all over the world, and then he gives the meat out to the employees, and in this economy I am not going to turn down any free meat, even if I have no idea what it is I'm cooking!) and it had almost no fat in it. And I toasted some whole wheat bread to make bread crumbs with, and made a tomato relish so it wasn't covered with ketchup. So it was actually very healthy meatloaf. And Saturday we went over to babysit the new baby nephew (it was the 1st time he's been left with a sitter, so I am now 1st sitter on top of 1st poopy diaper changer, I rule in this baby's life so far!!) because it was my sister in laws birthday and they were going to dinner. And when we got there she had made a cake and told us to eat some while they were gone. And hubby had cake, and he shared with my daughter and son, and I didn't even have a taste, I just had a jello when I got home. And then yesterday we had tickets to the circus from my work. And whenever my work hosts events there is a suite full of food, but I ate well, I could have had breaded chicken tenders with a pop and cookies and brownies for dessert. But instead I had some roasted lamb chops and hung around the fruit platter and drank water, and then jello again at home. It's so much easier to say no to dessert when I know I get to have whipped cream when I get home. And I also bought fat-free sugar-free pudding cups for when I really need chocolate, they are 100 calories each, so I could have 3 jellos for every one pudding, but one pudding is soooo much better than one of most anything else.
So as long as I plan ahead, and know that I have guilt free snack options, I might be able to stick to this. Who's taking bets on the next time I fall off the wagon??

A new beginning.

Well the dreaded has happened today.

Remember back almost two months ago when I couldn't wait to be weighed? Couldn't wait for my trainer to see the concrete evidence of my hard work. And when I did get weighed I was down ten pounds already. Then a few weeks later he weighed me again and I was down three more pounds.

Now remember all the time since then. The horrible birthday week when I ate whatever I wanted. Then the weeks of overtime at work when I was exhausted on the way home and just swerved into whatever fast food drive thru was along the way. And then this last week and a half when I have been sick, so I have been eating comfort food, ya know, to comfort me and help me feel better. I knew all this was bad, but I was steadily working out each morning before work, so....it was OK, right?

Well it was not OK. And today I paid the price. I got weighed! For the last few weeks I kept wondering when he was going to weigh me, and dreading the result. And every day the he didn't weigh me I felt like I had won some kind of small battle, and celebrated with some leftover Halloween candy. But today I lost the battle. I finished up my cardio warm-up and followed my trainer to the front of the workout center. I thought we were going to do some free weights, maybe ab work, maybe.....oh no! Is he standing next to the scale? Not good! I even set down my water bottle in mid sip because I didn't want that last drop of water to add any weight.

I gained three pounds! Not horrible, not as bad as I even thought it was going to be. And I immediately tried to explain it away. Well lets see, 3 pounds. Thats obviously 1 pound of water weight (it's that time of the month), 1 pound of gained muscle (I have noticeably bigger biceps and who knows what else, you just can't see it under some layers of fat), and maybe 1 pound from bad food choices. But my trainer wasn't buying it. He asked why someone would get up early every day, work her butt off in the gym, and then immediately throw it away by eating crap! He told me that he was so proud of me in the beginning but now I was letting him down, and he had told my Dad how good I was doing and now I was letting my Dad down. He really put me through the ringer. And he worked me out hard. He even made me run on the treadmill, he had made me do a slow jog before, but today he cranked it up to a full out run. And usually I am just counting my reps. But today I have no idea how many of anything I did, because he was talking to me the whole time.

Have you been watching The Biggest Looser like I said to? Did you see on there how they are sweating, and crying, and can hardly breath, and can't take do one more rep? Well that was me today! And I think that he pushed me that hard to make sure that I really want to do this, to make sure that I'm not just wasting time, and wasting his time. And I did it all. I even busted my leg really hard on a bench after the first set of bench presses, and it is all scrapped and has a goose egg. But I didn't complain, I just did it. (Hey, I'm a Nike ad!)

But he is not totally mean. By the end he gave me a hug. He helped put things into perspective. And I don't usually throw it all away on food. I usually eat a good breakfast, and snack, and then it begins to go downhill at lunch. And then dinner is bad. And then I have a sweet night time snack too.

But I thought about this, and then discussed it with my trainer to. When I go into my daughters room, and she has scribbled on her dresser with markers, I have this talk with her. "It's up to you to make decisions for your self. If you want to use the markers you can decided if you would like to color on paper or in a coloring book, or if you would like to color on toys or walls or furniture. And if you color on paper then I will hang it up and everyone can see it and everyone will be proud of you. But it you color on your dresser then it may be a secret for now, but eventually I will find out and I will be upset. And then you will have to be punished, and you will have to help clean it up, and your markers will be taken away. So you decide how you want to be treated." And it seems so easy and it makes so much sense.

So now I just have to use the same logic on my self. "Niki, it's up to you to make decisions for yourself. If you want to eat you can decide if you want to make good healthy food choices, or poor ones. If you make good choices you will live a longer healthier life with more energy and look so much better and then everyone will see the results and be proud of you! Or you can make poor choices and you will be able to hide it for awhile, but you will only be hurting yourself.

So today I am starting over. None of my excuses, just do it. And I can have 'treats' now and then, but not everyday. Just one day a week, so today I had yogurt and oatmeal in the morning. And tuna on a whole wheat tortilla and a salad and an apple for lunch. And the funny thing is, I had all that stuff packed this morning and brought it to work with me before I even knew I was being weighed, or had the whole melt down in the gym. So I had already planned to eat very healthy today. I just have to do it everyday.

(And yas, my daughter did scribble bright pink marker all over her dresser yesterday. The beautiful old dresser that was mine when I was a little girl, and it matched my canopy bed. And the bed was ruined, but my mom gave me the dresser. And my husband spent a whole weekend stripping it down and repaining it 'antique white'. And we bought her bed to match it. And gave it all to her for her 4th birthday present. And it was very meaningful to me, even though i'm sure she didn't care. And I did not attempt to clean it off yet. Because right now I can hope that it will all come right off. But if I start to clean it, and it won't come off, i'm sure i'll cry.)

The Weather is working against me!

In case you don't know, I live in Michigan. Michigan where we have weather that will knock you off guard when you are not looking. And right now it seems like the weather is trying to knock me out of my work-out routine. And if you've been following along, I can not afford to be thrown off my routine. We have learned that I am almost hopeless with a diet, so my exercise routine is all I have!

Last week I started getting sick. Nothing big, just a cold. I got a scratchy throat, little headache, tired, you know- what you get with the change in the weather. This started on Tuesday night. On Wednesday morning I got up at 6am to go work out, but I only made it as far as the bathroom before I decided that I was in no condition to be exerting myself. So I crawled back into bed and re-set the alarm. It was my first time that I officially skipped a workout!

As the day went on I didn't feel too bad, and I went to the hospital on my way home that night to see my new nephew. This all led to me getting home late and not getting the rest that I should have. So I got up Thursday to go workout, and I felt way worse than I had the day before. But I couldn't skip two days in a row, so I sucked it up and went. I did my cardio OK, then started some weights with my trainer. I did some back and shoulder stuff with no incident. Then it was time for squats, with a 20 pound bar. I did the 1st set ok. But I needed to sit down when I was done. Then I started the 2nd set and got about 5 reps in before I thought something was feeling alittle funny. I did one more and the room swayed a bit, so I stopped and took a few deep breathes, then I tried to do another one and started to go down. My head was all swimmy and I could feel my pulse beating really hard in my neck. My trainer made me sit down immediately and told me that I was done for the day. He explained that if you are even a little sick it will really show up when you are working out your legs, something about them being big muscles, I don't know I was really just trying to not pass out. So that cut the workout short.

Friday I was determined to do something, so I went to the workout center. I jumped on a treadmill and started at my normal warm-up pace. After a few minutes instead of reeving the machine up a bit, I slowed it down. Then a few minutes later I slowed it down again. This went on for about 20 minutes, until I just gave up completely. Little did I know that my trainer was standing right behind me. "Wha'cha doing?" he asked. "I'm done!" I told him. He kept asking "Why?" as I explained that I was tired and sick and needed to quit for the day. But he was understanding and told me to rest up over the weekend, lots of fluids, blah blah blah, and he'd see me on Monday.

So over the weekend I got very little done, I had to cancel plans that I had (Sorry Kendra) and tried to get some rest. And today is Monday, and I'm full fledged SICK!!! Coughing, sneezing, green snot, the works! But it wasn't going to keep me out of the gym. So I got up, dressed, in my truck and on my way. Until I hit Traffic! In the morning it usually takes me just under 30 minutes to get to work. Today it took me over 90 minutes!! When I walked out my door there was a tinny tiny bit of snow on the ground, but apparently a whole ton of black ice on the freeways, and no one thought it would be a nice idea to send out salt trucks. So there were spin-out all over and the rest of us crawled along. I started watching the clock like,"I guess my workout will get cut short." Then "I might just have to skip it and just start work alittle early" Then "Well I guess I'm not working out." And finally "I don't even think I'm going to get to work on time!" Which I didn't.

So the weather is out to get me. It's trying to make me too sick to workout, and then when that isn't working, then it is throwing traffic jams in my way! Ohh well, tomorrow is another day. And I guess I'll just need to get up a little earlier!

I got a new Baby Nephew

Yep, my hubby's brother & his wife had their baby yesterday. I went straight from work to the hospital, with a quick stop at Toys-r-us to buy a cute bag. (I had bought a cute outfit for the baby already, but had it in the plastic bag from Sears. I was all proud of myself that I had a 'new baby' present all ready to go, then I realized that it might be a nice idea to actually wrap it) He's cute, lots of hair, looks like my son when he was born, which is probably because my brother-in-law looks an awful lot like my hubby.

I usually don't post much of the going's on in my life on here, I try to stick to the workouts and diet, or lack there of. But this baby is significant for a reason.

#1 The new mom, my sister-in-law that I love, is one of those people that we all hate. You know, tall, pretty, great body yet she lives off of pizza and mountain dew. So I'm sure that she will snap back into pre-baby shape in a matter of weeks. but right now she will be dieting and exercising, so we can work on that together. Her to loose the baby fat (and she is breast feeding, so she may get back her pre-baby body in days!) and me because of my love of Taco Bell and no will-power.

#2 My brother-in-law did what men do, while his wife was pregnant he put on weight. So now he needs to work on taking it off. This helps me because my hubby will go over there and work out with him. They have a treadmill and a set of nice weight machines in their finished basement. So I will get a skinnier, healthier, more energy hubby, and I will get a couple evenings a week where I get to pick what to watch on TV because he will be gone to his brother's house.

I have no problems exercising now that I have a great gym and a great trainer waiting for me every morning. But we all know that I struggle with the food side. So if everyone around me is dieting, it will be so much easier for me too!!!

One last thing. Yesterday just after I got to my sister-in-laws room at the hospital. The new baby was whining a little, so I went to pick him up and noticed that his little wrinkly baby feet were out of his blanket. So I set him on the bed to re-wrap him, and made a comment about how tiny his diaper was, and the mom said it hadn't been changed yet, so I checked and ...... big sticky pile of merconium. I asked her if her or the new dad wanted to change the 1st diaper, but they said the honor could be all mine. So now I will always hold the esteemed place of being the person that changed his 1st ever diaper. I am truly blessed!

Help! Halloween Candy is after me!

Now there has been Halloween candy in our house for a week or more. But it is in bags that are still un-opened. So It is easy to not eat it, if I open the bag then EVERYONE will know that I was eating the candy. Ok, everyone would really only be my hubby, and I told him that he better not open any of the bags of Halloween candy because that would be the same as stealing the candy from little trick-or-treaters, and if he did it then he might as well go out on Halloween night and knock over a 6-year old and take his pillow case!

But today was my daughter's Halloween party at pre-school. She came home with a TON of candy. I took the day off work today to take her to school and stand with the other mom's and pass out candy as the little costume wearing cuties paraded past. Then the parents took the candy home while the kids continued their day at school. And I did NOT even peek into her bag or steal a single thing. Then after I picked her up we went through her bag together to see all the nice treats she got, there were about 4 pencils, a few erasers, stickers, lots of spider and skeleton rings, and CANDY, ohh glorious chocolate! And I did eat one little Snickers. My daughter had one little bag of candy corn, one stick of Twizzlers, one laffy taffy, and a gummy skeleton.

And now she is in bed. I could go sneak ten candy bars and she would never even notice. Also, we went to the Farmer's market today. I had every good intention of getting some fruits and veggies. But we got there about 30 minutes before it closes, and alot of the vendors were already packing up, I went to a few booths, but the only good stuff was at the booth with all the baked goods. So I got 4 sugar cookies decorated like pumpkins. I gave my daughter one after she finished her dinner, and now I'm contemplating eating one too. It smelled sooo good when I took it out of the bag and gave it to her, and I could feel that it was soft. And it was that perfect golden color on the bottom.

I shouldn't! I didn't go to work today....I didn't work out.....but I did get a lot done. I lugged a chunky little one year old to preschool and back twice, once to drop sis off, and then back to pick her up; I did the dishes; I did the laundry; I called and made dentist appointments; I went to lunch with my mom and sisters; I went to the Farmers market and walked around; I gave the baby a bath (and he poo'd in the tub...so gross, so it was actually a double bath and then I had to scrub the tub too!) I took a shower, I cooked dinner. I know none of these things are really to be commended, and I'm sure every other mom did all these same things today too. I'm just trying to make excuses as to why I deserve a cookie! I want a cookie....and a little candy bar!

I'm just going to do it. If I don't give myself this little treat now, I will just continue to think about it, and want it, and dream about it until I break down and binge later. So chastises me if you want, I'll wear a scarlet "C" on my chest, but I'm off to get a cookie. But just one, I am still working on portion control!

Today was a good Day.

I had a good workout today. Really I did. It was hard, and I pushed myself just a little harder than my trainer even asked for. He wanted me to do 15 leg presses, I did 18. But this stuff always bites me in the butt, because for the next set he asked me to try to push out 20, so I did 21. (It almost killed me, but I did it! Just to show him, and me, that I could do it.) I am getting stronger.

I was doing hammer curls with my work out buddy. He was doing seated, which apperently makes it harder, and I was standing. My trainer had me start with 12 lb dumbells, and when I did the first set with out being tuckered out to his liking, he switched me up to 15 lb dumbells for the next 2 sets. And I did every rep. And then I looked down at the weights my workout buddy was using, and they were only 20 pounders. Only 5 pounds more than I was doing! I am proud of myself. (Earlier we were doing some kind of chest press and I was doing 15 pounders and he was doing 50 pounders! I can't even lift one of those with both hands!)

So my good work out this morning also fuled me to make better food choices. I had a Light-n-Fit yogert for breakfast, and a turkey wrap and a small salad for lunch, and I'm planning schicken breast and stir-fried veggies for dinner.

If it's "one day at a time" then "Today was a good Day!"

She didn't even notice! I need to set new Goals.

Nope, she didn't notice at all. My friend from college, I haven't seen her in about 3 months, and I was pretty chunky 3 months ago, it was my daughters birthday, and I was just looking at the pictures, not good! So, she didn't say anything about me looking thinner, (though she did say she likes my hair shorter, so it's not that she's not observant) so that means I need to work harder. Not work out harder, I'm doing good at that, though I have been getting to the gym later and later in the mornings, and that forces my workouts to be shorter because I still need to be to work at the same time. It's just that i have been tired from working extra hours, and its really hard to roll away from my warm husband and step out of the soft bed and onto the cool wood floor! So i will just have to push my slippers next to my bed and do it!

I'm seeing her again in about a month, I got tickets for a concert that we are going to together. So that is my goal. See, I did good when I was working towards a goal, loose the baby weight before the baby turns one. And I made it, almost, I was the same weight I was when I got pregnant about a week after his birthday, but close enough. And then since then I keep having excuses as to why I can't stay on the diet! (or the way of life, or whatever you call it) So i think i do better when I have a goal to focus on. So now I'm working to loose weight before the concert. If the concert is in 4 weeks, and I loose a healthy 2 pounds a week, and I've already lost 13 pounds, then that will bring the grand total to just over 20 pounds by the concert. That sounds do-able and notice-able. We'll see. So the new goals are, Healthier, Portion Control, Get to the gym on time, and focus on the concert!

We're not going to talk about it.

OK,
All of last week I had to work overtime at work. There was a big project that was supposed to be shipped out on Friday and my group stayed over a few hours every night to attempt to finish it. So every night, when I was dragging myself home at 8 or 9 in the evening, the last thing I was thinking about was a healthy dinner. I got up every morning and left my house by 6:30, had a good work out, had a healthy breakfast, a healthy lunch, and then as 5 o'clock quitting time turned into 6 o'clock, turned into 7 o'clock, I became a fast food monster. Every night we had something like McDonald's, or Long John Silvers, or one night we even had Go Go Taquitos from 7-11. (Hey I had to stop and get milk for the baby, and they were there, and hot, and food, and that was all I cared about!)

So I know it was bad. And I know I said I was going to change the way I eat, and be a better role model for my family, etc, etc, etc! So I failed again! I kept falling off the diet wagon, and then I decided that it wasn't a diet, it was a life style, and I guess it is only a lifestyle when it fits into my hectic schedule. So, pick myself up and try again.

I've been pretty good this week so far. And the guilt from not cooking for my family for an entire week has turned me into Martha Stewart! I have been cooking every night. Not the absolutely healthiest things, but better things, better than I used to cook. More whole grains, more veggies, less cheese. And PORTION CONTROL!! Maybe that will be my goal now, it's OK to eat a sparse sprinkle of cheese, just not a heaping mountain! That's it, portion control, that's what I'm working on. Better options and portion control for all.

Also, I'm seeing my best friend from college this weekend, so I have to be really good until Saturday so she can be surprised to see me looking a little ...well littlier! I'll let ya know if she even notices!

The second Weigh-In

So today was the second weigh in. Last night I made a fairly healthy dinner, leftover flank-steak cut into thin strips then stir fried with pea pods and orange peppers and served with rice. So after the kiddies were in bed I had 2 smallish slices of banana nut bread. I figured I had cooked it, so I should eat some. And I contemplated about it before hand, was it a good idea, should I just have a taste, should I skip it altogether since I had to weigh in the next morning? The hubby was having some regardless of my internal struggle, and he had his warmed up with a few scoops of ice cream. So I figured I would fore go the ice cream in favor of ice cold skim milk (basically the same right?) and just go for it. And now I'm glad I did. I got to eat my cake and lost weight too. Three pounds to be exact. This was a huge surprise to me since I had that horrible week of eating everything the week before last. I expected to be the same at best. So the grand total is 13 pounds now, after a little under 6 weeks. Not too bad! And a good 2lb/week average which is considered healthy. So the children are going to my mom's tonight to spend the night, and I am rewarding myself with a smallish binge of Taco Bell!!!! My all-time favorite. What I lived on through 2 pregnancies. My old Tuesday night tradition! And what I have not had since I started this weight lost plan.

That's right, Weight Loss Plan! I'm not calling it a diet. Diets end when you reach a goal, and I plan on this to be my new way of life. Not the working out 5 days a week thing, after I get to a more reasonable size I'll cut that back some, but the food part. I just need to look at food differently. I was talking to a girl from work at that shooting clinic I went to over the weekend, and she is very in shape. She said she gets irritated when people always ask her what diet she is on, and she said she has to explain to them that it is just the way she lives. I want that. I am going to live better. It will continue to make my hubby healthier, keep my children well, and help me restore myself. They say your body is your temple and you need to respect it. So that's the road I'm on. Feel free to come along for the ride.

Don't these people know I'm trying to eat better!!??

So all day Saturday I went to an NRA sponsored shooting clinic with a bunch of girls from work. Everything was included; guns, ammo, instructors, and FOOD! So I didn't eat breakfast before I left because I knew I would be eating there. Bad choice! The 'breakfast' they provided was coffee, doughnuts, muffins, and various other pastries! I tried to stay away, I got a bottle of water and sat there in the safety class while all the other ladies were munching on sugary goodness. And my stomach was growling, so before we headed out for our morning shoot, I grabbed one blueberry mini-muffin. Then we came back for lunch, which consisted of hot dogs, ketchup, mustard, mayo, relish, chili, baked beans, all kinds of little bags of chips, cans of pop, and 2 different kinds of cake for dessert!! Not a healthy choice in sight!! And I was starving!! So I had one hot-dog, no bun, a little mustard, and one scoop of beans, and more water. And I didn't even look at the cakes!

After the clinic, a few ladies asked me if I wanted to step out with them for a bite to eat. I cleared it with the hubby and went. I'm surprised I didn't eat the steering wheel along the way! Once there, they all got cheese burgers with steak fries, except for one girls that got a philly steak sub!!! Arrrgggg!!! The peer pressure, but i know I'm getting weighed tomorrow, so I had will power. I got a big salad with mixed field greens, a grilled chicken breast, apples, dried cherries, and fat free vinaigrette! It was so good, but at that point a tire would have been tasty too!!

Then yesterday after church, I took the kids to visit my mom. Of course I didn't get to eat anything before church. You get a one year old and a 4 year old both up, fed, dressed, hair fixed, bag packed to be gone the rest of the day. get yourself dressed and looking respectable, all while be extremely quiet so as not to wake the hubby up. And see if you have time to make yourself breakfast! So by the time I got to my mom's I was starving again! She suggested we go to Bray's for lunch. (If you don't know Bray's has the greasiest, best, cheese burgers anywhere!!) I told her I would go there for everyone else, But I went to McDonald's and got myself a salad. (I know I know, McDonald's salad isn't really healthy, but trust me, it's 1000% better than sliders!)

So we'll see if my will power's pays off when I jump on that scale tomorrow!

Complements Make the World of Difference!!

Lets start at last night. I had to take my sister home, she stayed at my house the last couple days while my regular babysitter was on vacation. And since she lives near the mall, and I actually was out of the house with no children, I decided to stop in and get a new pair of jeans. I had bought a new pair a few months ago when I started the new job and they are getting big in the waist as I'm dropping weight, so I planned to get the next size smaller, but totally expected to have to squeeze into them and hope that they would fit correctly in another few weeks. So imagine my delight when the smaller size slipped on without an issue!! (Now I was at the Fat store, which shall remain nameless, but I was still pretty thrilled that it was a smaller size.) I even thought of trying on the next smaller size, but that would be pushing it, and I really liked the feeling of buying new clothes that actually fit!

Skip to this morning. I'm working out and my trainer tells me "Under strict confidence, and I'm not going to name names, but someone came to me and said that they can tell you're loosing weight." And of course my response, "Who!?!"And he reminded me ,"Under strict Confidence!! But it was a guy." So I floated around on my little cloud, happy that someone had noticed. Then we were doing some different exercises and I asked, "So....what did they say, something like 'I can tell Niki is working out'?" And he said, "OK...this is the last we are going to talk about this....but they said "I can tell she is really losing weight, especially in the lower half." YES!!! All this work and my butt is getting smaller!! It's like a dream come true. So then I told him about the buying smaller jeans thing.

Then I was doing leg presses. And he always sets the weight on the machines, and I don't even look at what it is set at. I figure it is his job to know what I should do and how I should progress. Plus if I look and it is heavy, I might get discouraged that I won't be able to do it, and if it is light I might get discouraged that I should be able to do more. So I found it better not to look, just to believe that it is just right. (The Goldilocks way!) So anyway, I do 15 leg presses and rest. And he says "Look, you are doing 50lbs! When you started out you were struggling with 40lbs, and now you can do 50!"

Then skip to near the end of the workout. We were walking to go do free weights and he said, "Now you are getting some good workouts in. Before you were..." I jumped in "too weak?" He said no. "Too fat?" No again "Too lazy?" Now he jumped in, "No! I was going to say you were pooping out! Now you are getting in a good workout because before you were pooping out more quickly!"

So lets review. I can fit in smaller size clothes. People are noticing. And I am healthier and have better strength and endurance! These are all very positive milestones! Proof of my progress! The payoff for all my work! I know that I am getting weighed again on Tuesday, and I was a little worried because of the diet disaster that was last week. But now I am thrilled! I am going to go nose to the grindstone these next few days and hopefully we can all celebrate a great weigh in next week.

And for anyone else out there that may be trying to loose weight, you know who you are. Hard work reaps great rewards! You couldn't knock me off my cloud today if you tried!

Man, I'm soar today!

Yesterday I had to do squats with a 25 lb weight. Then we also did bench press and tricep stuff and crunches. But it was the squats that killed me. Late yesterday morning, a little before lunch, I had to go upstairs. There are 2 sets of steps, at the top on one is the fitness center, then you can go through a door into our workshop, then you can go down a hall to where about 10 engineers work, then at the end of their office there is a door with another set of steps. So anyway I had to go up to the work shop, and I went to jog up the steps like normal, but I had to stop because my legs were weak. And that was a sign that they were going to hurt today!!
So I rolled outta bed this morning and wanted to cry. OK, it's not that bad, but pretty painful. And I should have known better that to wear heels today, but I didn't think about it when I packed my bag last night. So today, of course, I have had to go upstairs a thousand times. I worked out this morning, kinda half-heartedly 15 min on the eliptical and 20 on the treadmill. Then I have had to go to the work shop a bunch, and go talk to the upstairs engineers a bunch. So about an hour ago I was up there, and was on my way back down. I was using the steps in the workout center and my trainer just happened to be up there. I was a few steps down from the top and was clenching the hand rail and he yelled over to me "You aren't that soar!!" And I stopped and turned around and told him "Yes I am" And he must have seen pain on my face or something because he walked over to the top of the steps and nicely told me "I want you to do some stretches today, just stand by your desk and do it like this." Then, when I almost thought he cared, he said "Because you are doing more of those squats tomorrow!!"
This is my punishment for balking the universe!!

No Workout Buddy, But I think I like it!

A couple weeks ago I lost my workout buddy. He would be there 'sharing' my trainer on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. We would talk a little while we were doing our warm-up, and then maybe crack a few jokes while we were lifting weights. And I liked that I didn't feel like I was doing it alone. But then his wife gave birth to their baby, and now when he gets down with his shift (he is on the midnight shift) he goes right home to help her out. (As any good hubby should!)

So now I am all alone. Just me and the trainer. But it's nice because we talk more about food and temtations and goals. And today was fun because he got down on the floor and did all my crunches with me. And he watches my every rep and makes sure I am keeping good form and not cheating.

So am I selfish to not want my workout buddy to come back? I guess I'm good either way. And from what I hear from other people around here, in the winter alot more people start working out because they can't run outside or whatever they do in the warm months. And then I'm sure in the spring a ton of people will be up there getting ready for 'bikini weather!' So I better be good with 'sharing'.

The Universe Fights Back!!

A very wise friend once told me, "When ever you try to make a significant change in your life, the universe will fight back to not let this change happen. And if it is a change that you really want, then you have to fight for it!" (Or something like that, I'm paraphrasing) So this last week the universe threw everything it had at me.

Lets start with Monday night, the 29th, since it was my birthday the next day, I decided to make cupcakes to take to my office the next day. So I made them and baked them, and my daughter licked the bowl so I didn't have to (you can't let bowls go un-licked). But later I had one cinnamon muffin and 1/2 a brownie, I had to taste test them before I fed them to people.

Then Tuesday it was my birthday, so I took the baked goods into work, and instead of my normal English muffin for breakfast, I had a cinnamon muffin with milk. And then my hubby took me to lunch, where I had soup, bread, and a delicious baked pasta covered with cheese. Then later for dinner my hubby listed all the possible things he would get me for dinner, but I had him go get Subway, to try to be somewhat healthy.

Then Wednesday, I ate my normal healthy breakfast, but I had my Italian leftovers for lunch. And what did we have for dinner wednesday??? I can't remember?? I think it was Tuscan Chicken pasta. Yeah it was. So that was healthy, whole wheat pasta, chicken, tomatos, peppers, and a bunch of fresh yellow and green squash!

Then Tursday was my son's birthday. I ate my healthy breakfast. But lunch was my company's monthly cook-out. So I had meatballs and some pasta, and a bunch of veggies, and some bread, and some shrimp, and a cookie! (And later I went back to get a second cookie, and when I was almost to the table they were on, I spotted my trainer standing by the wall talking to someone. I don't know if he was guarding the cookies, or if he just happened to be there, but just in case I high-tailed it outta there before he saw me. So no 2nd cookie.) Then my Father-in-law was coming over to bring my son a gift and we were all going to dinner, but he didn't come until 7:00 and didn't want to go eat, and didn't leave until almost 9. So we never went out, I just fed the kids at home. And then I realized that we were out of milk and ran out to get some, and the dang universe steered my truck to Del Taco! So I had a spicy chicken burrito and a quesidilla and a Sprite for dinner!

Then Friday I ate a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast with a pile of fresh fruit. (My company supplies bagels and fruit and doughnuts and muffins every Friday) And for lunch I went out with some guys for Sushi. Which isn't that bad I guess, especially since I got it made with brown rice. And then when I got home I thought it would be a good idea to put some leftovers down the garbage disposal. Only it was alot, and I plugged it all up. My poor sweet hubby had to disassemble the plumbing under the sink, and scrap ground up roast pork out of the main drain. It got all over the cupboard under the sink and he mopped it up with out MUCH complaint. So I had to treat him to Chinese. You understand, right? So I had some cashew beef and rice and crab rangoons for dinner. And then I had to bake my son's cake for his party the next day. My daughter was already in bed by then, so I was forced (yes, forced I tell you) to lick the bowl myself. Either that or I figured i had already blown it for the week and I might as well enjoy my self during the free fall. Or that is is MY birthday too!!

So I got up early on Saturday to assemble the dinosaur cake. It turned out pretty cute and i was pretty pleased. Except that I did eat some chunks of cake as I was carving! Then off to the party where we had a veggie tray, pizza, salad, pop, doughnuts, cider, and of course cake! I was actually pretty busy, and didn't snack at all. But I did sit down and eat a big plate of salad and 2 slices of pizza and a small cup of pop. And then during a cake time, I ate about 1/2 of a frosting covered Ding Dong that had been part of the dinosaur. After the party, we dropped the kids off with my mother and went to a friend's BBQ. I had some smoked brisket on a bun, 2 ribs, a chicken leg, carrots, brusel sprouts, and a couple scoops of different picnic salads. Then he had about 5 different desserts. So I got a plate and got a small piece of each, and shared it with my hubby.

Then Sunday, I skipped breakfast because I was trying to get stuff done while the kids were away. I picked them and my sis up from my mom around noon and went home. I had a pig plate of leftover salad and 2 slices of leftover pizza for lunch. Then later I had a doughnut and cider for a snack. Then we went to the Red Wings game. We did take the stairs all the way down from the Cobo roof, and we had deli sandwiches for dinner. Then after the 2nd period we did 2 laps of the concourse and ended up back at our seats with a slice of pizza each. So after the game we took the stairs all the way back up to the roof, I think it is about 10 stories! And when we got home I had a piece of leftover birthday cake.

I couldn't fight the universe this week. There were too many things back to back. 2 birthddays, a BBQ and party, a work cookout, a Wings game. I couldn't resist, I was weak! But I did still workout every morning. And I worked out this morning, and I had my english muffin for breakfast, and my turkey and spinach roll for lunch. Just got to get right back at it! I just have to remember my goals and not let a little trip-up turn into a land-slide! I AM going to do better this week!

I have a Nickname

So yesterday I started working out, like normal, and my trainer was talking with the guys. Then he said loudly, "There she is, I'm going to call her Niki 'The Real Deal' (insert last name here)!" I gigeled and continued on with my cardio. Them today, as soon as I hit the top of the stairs (in case i've never mentioned it before, the workout center is upstairs in a kind of loft in the corner of the building. Two walls are outside walls and have windows and mirrors, one wall is shared with our 'work room' and is covered with mirrors on the workout center side, and the last wall is open to the shop below, so you can look out while you are up there) anyway, I hit the top of the stairs and he said "Hey Real Deal, whats up!" So I guess it's my nickname.
As far as names go, it's not great, but it's not to bad. It will help to keep me motivated if nothing else, now I have to live up to being the real deal. So i'll take it for now.
Also today he asked what I was having for breakfast. I said a toasted whole wheat english muffin and 1 tabelspoon of lite peanut butter, what I though was a good answer, it is on my 'sheet of what to eat'. And he told me that by lunch I am going to protien deficient, and I should start thinking about having protien shakes. And I told him, if I can have chocolate flavored protien shake that would be great, because in the last month I have become extremely chocolate defiecient. So we will see how that goes.
We did have catered lunch at work today and there were buffalo meatballs with penne pasta and tomato sauce, buffalo meatballs with mushroom gravy over egg noodles, salad, pasta salad, mixed veggies, cheese burgers, chicken kabobs, shrimp kabobs, and cookies. So I ate one cookie while I was in line. Then I had a big salad, a lot of veggies, 5 meatballs with a few pieces of egg noodles and 2 shrimp kabobs with squash. So, lots of protien and veggies, and only a little carbs. Not too bad, not good!, but not nearly as bad as it could have been.! Where are those seatbelts to strap myself onto the diet wagon!!!!

The Much Awaited Weigh In

Ok, so it happened yesterday, the big weigh in. Drumroll please.....................10 pounds! Not as much as I was hoping for, but I will definetly take it! Its a step in the right direction, and something for me to try to beat for the next weigh in, which I have no idea when that will be! And even if I wasn't doing cart-wheels over it, my trainer was! He was suprised, he said "I knew you would loose, but I didn't think you would loose that much!" And then this morning when he was working out with the guys, and I has sweating on the Eliptical, he was telling them what a great job I'm doing and how people are really watching me now. To which I replyed "Well then I better keep it up so they will at least have something a little better to look at!" Cheesy, but I did get a laugh.
I always totally believed in two things. 1. Ask and you shall receive. 2. God helps those who help them selves. So I have wanted to get in shape for awhile now, at lease since after my daughter was born. I kept 'asking' but nothing was happening. Then I got this great job that offers this work out center with trainers. So I like to think that God guided me here, and I'm the one that has to drag my butt outta bed at 6 in the morning and go sweat for an hour. But He will continue to give me the strength to achive my goals. Thank you, I am greatful!

Last Chance Work Out!!

Who watches the Biggest Looser? You don't? Start watching it, it's great!

Anyway, on every episode they are working out and eating healthy. And they do a challenge and get a reward (just like on every other reality show) and then at the end they all get weighed and whoever lost the least gets the boot, there is a whole yellow line and a vote, blah blah blah, but that is basically how it works. So the point is, the day before the weigh in, they have their Last Chance Workout! Well, remember that I am getting weighed by my trainer for the first time tomorrow, so this morning I considered my last chance work out!

I usually do 30-35 minutes at a moderate pace, trying to keep my heart rate around 150. Well over the weekend one of the birthday presents I got myself was a new cell phone. (I have had a cell phone for about 13 years, and during that time I have only have a total of 3 phones. So needless to say I keep my phones until they are dinosaurs.) My new phone has a camera and can play music and all the fancy stuff. So I had my phone playing some music to 'pump me up!' And I did a total of 45 minutes and kept my heart rate at 170!! I was pretty proud of myself. And I wasn't huffing and crying, I was kinda singing along to the music. So I know that I am in better shape than when I started, even if it isn't showing outwardly too much yet.

(Even though Kendra said that I looked pretty good at Church yesterday. I thought you looked skinnier too, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want you to think I was saying it just because you said it to me first. Then afterward I thought that I should have mentioned it because it makes me feel good, so I'm sure it would make you feel good too. So, Kendra had been cutting back on sweets and it's showing!!)

So, lets all keep our fingers crossed and see what the scale says tomorrow! And no, I have not stepped on a scale since last Wednesday. So I'll be just as surprised as all of you. I don't want to think of what I want it to be, because if it's not, then I'll get discouraged. But secretly, I want it to be a 10-15 pound loss. But i will be happy with anything. Except a gain, oh wouldn't that be horrible! I've been busting my butt, and eating like a rabbit for almost a month,and I may have gained weight? Let's not even think that!!!

Busy Weekend ahead!

Well, I worked out this morning, 25 on the eliptical and 10 on the treadmill. I'm not too sore from those 'step ups' yesterday. And I ate pretty healthy since my last post. So....go me! I also have not gotten on the scale, just like I said that I wouldn't.

So now comes the weekend. Tomorrow I have to get my son's 1 year pictures taken, and then we have a 5 year old friend's birthday party to go to (which I still need to go buy a present for, I just got the invite in the mail yesterday, I knew it was coming up, but I didn't know the date). On Sunday morning I want to go to church, and Sunday evening I need to bake mini-muffins, (I'm not eating them all- they are to take to work next week). And then inbetween that stuff I need to grocery shop for the week. Clean-up the house since my hubby starts work on Monday and I need to have everything ready for the babysitter, which includes laying out my daughter's clothes for school in the morning and her leotard for gymnastics class in the afternoon. I should also make a little schedule for the babysitter so she knows what times my daughter needs to leave for her activities, and what the baby's eating and sleeping schedule is now, so much has changed in the last couple months since she last watched the kids. I should do the laundry. I need to take inventory of the cups/plates/decorations that I have for my son's birthday party next weekend, and then shop for the stuff that I still need. Which includes presents for him, and goody bag stuff for the other children. We also need to go out and get a whole new wardrobe for my hubby since he now has a desk job and needs 'business casual' clothes, of which he currently only has about 2 nice shirts and 1 pair of slacks. It was my sis's birthday yesterday, so I need to visit her this weekend and take her a card.

I'm so glad it's my birthday weekend, and I won't even have a minute for myself because it's everyone else's birthday weekend too. (Or the weekend before my sosn's birthday and my hubby starts a new job) But I guess if i don't take any time for me, then I don't have to worry about 'overdoing it'.

Two interesting things Happened Today

First off, remember the Chinese food lunch incident yesterday? Well I called my hubby after lunch and told him about going out to eat, and just like I knew he would be, he was a little disappointed. Not that I flew off the diet wagon again (i need to get seat belts for this thing) but because he LOVES Chinese food, and we haven't gotten takeout in a few weeks now. So I felt bad and I stopped and got him Chinese for dinner on my way home. But I only got some for him, and I had some leftover roast and veggies for my dinner.

So now back to today. Today I worked out all alone. With my trainer of course, but there was no one else in the fitness center. The guy that I usually work out with had his baby yesterday, I'm sure that his wife did all the work, but he was there, and thus not here today. So I had the place, and the trainer, to myself. At first I thought that this could be a bad thing, and that he would be 'on' me the whole time. But it was actually nice. My trainer still had me rest in between sets, and we talked about stuff. Usually he is running back and forth between me and the other guy, and all he says to me is stuff like "Did you get them all done? Good job, on to the next thing" But today we talked about "The Biggest Looser" Do you watch that show? My hubby and I love it. We've watched every season, and each time at the beginning we say that we are going to be on a diet with the people on the show, and it lasts a week or two, and then we are sitting there watching the show eating Chinese takeout! But he was saying that it is good for me to watch it, and that it is good inspiration, and they give good tips and he agrees with the way that they train. We talked a little about other things too, like there is a guy here at work that is having a BBQ the weekend after next, and the trainer is going too, and he said he is bringing a cheesecake and he will be eating ribs, and not giving any of us poo for anything we are eating there. That sometimes you can reward yourself alittle, just know that these occasions should be few and far between and not your daily life. So he seems more like a real person now. He's still pretty much a hard ass though. This morning I told him that my legs are really sore from the squats I did on Tuesday, and his reply was "Sucks to be you, because you are doing them again today!" And he made me do things that were even worse. I had to put one foot up on a bench and then step all the way up and back down; 5 times with one leg, then go around the bench, 5 times with the other leg, go around the bench, 5 times with the first leg again, go around the bench, 5 times with the other leg again, then rest! I was sore and out of breath. And I had to do 3 sets of that!

The other thing that happened is this; he is going to weigh me on Tuesday. He told me that it is just a number, and it probably hasn't moved much since right now i'm just working on my matabolism and my heartrate and the weight will be coming off later...blah blah blah. I basically know this stuff, but anyone who is on a diet or exercising to loose weight wants to see one thing, the numbers on the scale moving!! And last week he told me not to get on the scale, and I told my hubby that (i have been very honest with everyone thoughout this, I figure it will only help me in the long run) and then the couple time I got on the scale, hubby would say "I thought you wern't supposed to be doing that!" But i just need to know, it burns inside my head! So anyway, THE day is Tuesday, which just so happens to be my birthday! So as the best birthday present to myself ever, I am going to be super good on my diet the next 5 days! And I will work my butt off (literally I hope) in the gym on Friday and Monday. And then on Tuesday we'll see where I am. And I will stay off the scale at home in the meantime too. There I said it, so I have to do it. I'll just push it under the dresser so i'm not tempted. Let's Get'er Dun!!

Food is keeping me fat!

Well I thought I could be on a diet and loose weight. That's how it works, right? Well I've tried that a thousand times before, and this is how it always goes. First week, loose a few pounds. Be happy. Slack off a little on the diet. The next weight loose little or no weight. Get a little discouraged, slack off more. The next week gain a couple pounds, say forget about it and drown in pizza and ice cream. So this time is going to be different because I am exercising too! And I am exercising alot. And I have noticed that I have more energy too.
So this morning I am cranking away on the eliptical. And my trainer comes over and says something like "I just want to commend you on your dedication! You've been up here everyday and giving it alot of effort. Most people don't have so much dedication." So of coure I had to reply with the cheesiest, most typical answer. You can probably even guess what it was. "They don't want it as much as I do" I can't believe I said that, it's so...ridiculous. And he said "No, they do want it as much as you do. They just don't put in the effort. And if you just put in the same effort with your nutrition you'll do great." So i finished 25 minutes on the eliptical and then did 10 on the treadmill THen I had an apple and peanut butter for breakfast, and a low fat yogurt for a snack. And then one of the engineers asked if I wanted to go out to Chineese for lunch. And everything in my wanted to say NO, but YES came out of my mouth. Peer Pressure! Willpower where are you!! But I did eat healthy for dinner, and i'll try to eat well tomorrow. And I will be there bright and early to workout.

Bake Sales - Love 'em & Hate 'em

Last weekend my church had a big event called Alive in the Park. I took the kids and had a great time. We had a nice service and then there were bands playing music, and food, and tons of activities for the kids.....and a bake sale! Aww the bake sale! There have not really been sweets in my house lately. If they are there, I will eat them. And my hubby and kids dont NEED sweets, so I havn't been buying them. But ya see, at a bake sale they are trying to raise money to help someone. So by buying sweets you are helping a good cause, in this case it was for the family of a little girl who had brain cancer. So I had to buy stuff. And I had it all there next to me at the park for over 2 hours and didn't eat anything. Not the brownies, or cookies, or chocolate cupcakes or 3 differnt flavors of muffins! But then I went home, and the kids went to bed, and I sat down with my hubby and pulled out the stash. It was like we were junkies ready for a fix. And I had a cupcake, and a brownie, and a blueberry cheescake muffin. There I said it. I ate 3 desserts at one setting. I washed it down with skim milk, but at that point I don't think the milk matters. Then I felt like a pig and was totally mad at myself! So yesterday I did some time on the treadmill, and then the stationary bike, and then the eliptical too. And I had salmon with steamed broccli and baby carrots for dinner. I worked out with the trainer today. So i guess the lesson is, I still have no willpower. And this is bad because it is one week until my birthday. And then 2 days after that is my son's birthday. And I want to be at or below my pre-baby weight (243) by his birthday. So i need to work hard and stick with it all this week! I can not get down because of my bakesale set-back. I bought some 'healthy creation' ice cream bars. There are a couple flavors, and i will allow myself to have one, 1, one and only one, if i need a sweet treat. But otherwise no sweets. My hubby may or may not get me a cake on my b-day, i'll have to ask him not too. And my mom usually gets me a blueberry cheesecake (which i am the only one in my house that eats it) so i'll have to ask her not to. And then if I make my goal, or get close and know that I gave it my best efforts. Then at my son's party the following weekend I will eat cake, and pizza! And i will have deserved it. but until then....buck-up, be strong, and sweat it out!!
With God's help we can move mountains. I need to move the ones on my hips!!

"You may be the one to watch this year" "Who, Me?"

First off, yes I went to the pizza buffet last night. I had water to drink, and nice big salad, and then I preceeded to eat 3, or was it 4, medium size slices of pizza, and one of them was deep dish. It was delisious and wonderful. And today I'm back to diet food! so :P~
But something great happened this morning. In order for you to fully understand, I must first take you back to my paranoid thoughts of last week. After the first day I worked out, I hurt. I hurt bad, I hurt for 4 days. My trainer didn't have much sympathy, so I decided that he didn't really want to train me, that he didn't want to waste him time on a fat girl that he thought would quit anyway, so he would just push me very hard an make me quit sooner. These are all my thoughts, I have no proof to back them up, and when I told this to my husband he told me that I'm nuts! So for the last week I have been scrutinizing what my trainer does and say looking for my proof that he has no faith in me. Also, I work out with the trainer on Tues & Thurs, but I also do cardio on my own Mon, Wed, Fri. That days that I am not 'with' the trainer he is still there working out with 3 guys. These are 3 guys that I work with, they are nice enough. So right after I first started, one of the guys was talking to me about how hard it is, and that it's alot of work, etc. And I figured he is in on the conpspiricy to get me to quit. Now comes the something great.
So this morning I am on the eliptical, and the guys are doing weights with the trainer (it would probably be easier if I just used everyone's names, but I am protecting the innocent, or something like that, not that it matters since no one is reading this!) anyway, one of they guys goes "Wow, Niki's got really good attendance up here!" I havn't missed a day yet, I may fly off the diet, but i have been sticking to the exercise! And the other guy, the one that was telling me how tuff it will be, agree's with him. And the trainer says "She may be the one to watch this year. She might be my big sucess story" YES!! Maybe he does believe in me!
Also, I noticed when I got dressed this morning that my jeans are little loose!! Go me!!

What Do I Weigh!!??!!

Well today marks 2 weeks since I first started working out with my trainer. The first day I started he weighed me, 256. That's about where I expected it to be, seeing that I was totally clothed and with my shoes on. See, I don't know about you, but I weigh myself at home, stark naked, because I don't want the clothes to add those extra few pounds. Usually when I take my clothes off when I get home from work and I'm changing into my PJ's. And sometimes I shave in the shower and then weigh myself after I get out, once I'm totally dried off, because the hair on my legs and armpits may have been tipping the scale just that little bit that it bumped it up to the next pound. So I had weighed myself at home before the first workout, and was.....254 I think. So I expected to see a few extra 'clothing' pounds. And then I started weighing myself at home incessantly! At least a few times a day usually. I'm starting to think it's turning into OCD, so I'm trying to cut it back. But after the first 5 or so days of dieting and working out I had lost 9-10 pounds, I was thrilled!! I told anyone that would listen, "I got a personal trainer and I lost 10 pounds already!" And we had pizza to celebrate! And then the next day my husband got a phone call that he had gotten this new job that he really wanted, so we went out for Chinese to celebrate! And then on Saturday the kids stayed the night at my mom's and we went to the movies. I didn't eat any dinner before the movie, but I had a medium popcorn there (no butter) and a bottle of water, and then we went to the Holy Mecca on the way home!!!!Taco Bell!!!! And strangely enough, the numbers on the scale had stopped going down, and actually crept back up a few pounds. Go figure!! So yesterday I weighed 246 before I went to bed, that was with my PJ's on. And I totally expected that my trainer would weigh me today.....but he didn't! And I want to know what I weigh on his scale!!! I had all these plans hinging on being weighed today. Since my flying leap from the wagon last week I have been pretty strictly sticking to my diet, all day Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and today....through lunch. Then the plan was to have seen how much I lost, be happy, and so to dinner tonight. To the new all you can eat pizza buffet that just opened last week and that I have been dying to try! (Pizza is only second to Taco Bell for my taste buds!!) So should I still go? Should I jump on the scale when I get home and still be proud of myself? I did do 20 minutes on the Elliptical machine today, and then another 40 minutes with the trainer doing weight stuff and lunges! I think I'll go and just try not to be a pig, and then get on the treadmill with extra vigor first thing in the morning!

My Trainer is MEAN!!

I dont't know if you've ever had a personal trainer before, but they are mean. At least mine is. But mean in a good way. Mean as in, I walked on the treadmill at 3.0 mph for 25 minutes yesterday and felt very accomplished. He comes over there today after about 10 minutes and says "What's going on over here! Take your heart rate!" So i put my palms on the sensors and it flashes a few times and then reads 145. I think this is good since last week it was in the low 160's. But the trainer is not pleased, he says something like "145!! and you're just walking!! Walking you should be in the 100's, I'm going to save your life!!" Then he reaches across me and hikes the incline up to 15, the highest setting it goes to! I can walk on the incline for about a minute, then i'm huffing and puffing. He barks out some stuff like "Come on, 30 more seconds, just concentrate and push it out!" And then he reaches across and lowers the incline back to zero, and has me walk flat for a few minutes until my heart rate is back in the 140's, then we do it all again! I thought I was in decent shape (yes I'm fat, but i can shop for hours, or take the kids to the zoo all day and not get too tired out) but this just proves that I am horribly out of shape. I was working with free weights this morning, and I was doing some tricep extension things, and I did 2 sets with an 8 lb dumb-bell and then he had me switch to a 5 lb dumb-bell for the last set. He probably thought I was going to drop the 8 lb one on my head.
I'm eating alot better now too. Today I had a whole wheat english muffing with a tablespoon of light peanut butter for breakfast, and I am eating 2 whole wheat tortilla's with some turkey breast and a cup of manderian oranges for lunch, and for dinner tonight we are having grilled chicken with bell peppers, brocilli, and brown rice.
(And no, I did not eat any sherbert last night, I just had a glass of water and went to sleep!)

Why I started this Blog

I told you why i'm trying to loose weight, but not why I started the blog. My hubby said it's because I want to be .... I don't remember the word he used, cool, or something like that. The truth is that Two of my friends started blogs, one becuse her hubby was in a terrible accident and it was a good way to keep everyone abreast of his condition and progress. And I think the other was a spin-off from that one, and she talked about her kids and family. So I guess this is a spin-off from the spin-off. So if this was a TV show, I would be like Law & Order: pencile pusher unit; or CSI: Nebraska. Ya know, something that no one is watching. Which is pretty close because I have told no one about this blog. So if you are out there, good job finding me. I just though that maybe it would help keep me honest about my weight loss goals if I put them up in a blog. I can lie to my trainer (Yes, I did all 15 full reps!) and to myself (if I eat just two bites of the kids pudding it won't count againt my diet) but why lie to some pencile pusher in Nebraska! Talk to ya later!

Mommy, you have a big butt!

Yep, that's what my 4 year old daughter said to me. I can't blame her, it's totally true. I'm 5'9" and weigh in around 250. Actually a little over 250, maybe not anymore, but definetly last week. See, that little innocent sentence, spoken not as a put down, but just as a matter of fact, has spurred me to loose weight.
This is not the first time I have decided to loose weight, but i'm planning on it being the last. I was always a little heavy in high school, but I was active, I did Tae Kwan Do, I worked stock in a grocery store. Then I graduated college and got a desk job. And the weight piled on! Then I started dating my now husband, and more weight piled on, why not I didn't need to look good for guys, I had one that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Then we started to plan our wedding and I tried to loose some weight, i lost a little, and then gained it all back on the honeymoon. Then as our 1st anneversary neared I realized I weighed more that I did at the wedding, so i tried to loose some, I lost a little and then got pregnant with our daughter. Free reighn to pack on the pounds, 30 in all, not really that bad. And after the baby was born I lost it all quickly since I was nursing. But once I went back to work and stopped nursing the weight came flying back on and I ended up about 23 pounds heavier than when I got pregnant. Then I got pregnant with our son. I wasn't going to do it this time! I ate healthy during the pregnancy and gained about 25 lbs total. And gave birth to a 9lb 1 oz chunky monkey. And the weight fell off while he chowed down. But once again, as soon as I stopped nursing the weight piled back on.
So the baby will be one in a few weeks, and my daughter said I'm fat. I'm going to loose this weight for good. I recently got a new job, (remind me to tell you about that on another day), and they have a nice fitness center on-site and offer free personal trainers to the employees. So I took them up on it! I started about 11 days ago. I work out with the trainer on Tuesday and Thursday, and I do cardio on my own on the other mornings during the work week. I'm also trying to be on a diet, but I love to eat. I did really good today.
So I better get to bed, I have to see my trainer in the morning. And there is a box of orange sherbert in the freezer calling my name. If I go to sleep now, I can avoid the urge to go have a bowl. I'll let ya know how the workout goes tomorrow.